What Do We Want? Good Advice!

What Do We Want? Good Advice!

Weeks ago we learned that Esther decided she would approach Achashverosh in order to save her people. But instead, she invited him and Haman to a feast. And then she invited them to a second feast! Why did Esther feel she had to build rapport with King Achashverosh before she made her request?

  • Because she was worried that she was going to be killed.
  • People are more likely to do things for someone that they know well and that they like.
  • There’s a better chance of getting the thing that you want from someone who knows you.

At the second feast, Achashverosh asks Esther again what she really wants. Finally she tells him that Haman is plotting to destroy her and her people. What do you notice about how Esther talks to Achashverosh? What kinds of words does she use? How would you describe her tone?

  • Fanciest words that she could use: your majesty, favor, if it pleases you
  • Polite tone
  • Very gentle way of asking

We really dug into Esther’s language here, and thought about when we would emulate it. What might be helpful about using those kinds of words or that kind of tone in building a relationship with someone?

  • Helpful for getting their attention.
  • Everything will go well.
  • Being polite is a good way to make friends – people want to be friends with someone who is nice to them.

If you wanted something from someone, how would you make the request? What words would you pick? What type of person would you ask?

  • I would ask a parent or a teacher or a friend or a cousin.
  • I would say “please” and if I’m borrowing something make sure they know when you’ll return it and return it on time.
  • I would make sure they trusted me.
  • I would offer something in return.
  • I would ask my parents because they have jobs and they have more money than my friends.
  • I would persuade my parents to get something for me by mentioning all the good stuff and none of the bad stuff.

When have you had to change your language or act differently around someone to get what you wanted?

  • You have to act more polite in front of people that are more important like the Queen or the President.
  • At an interview you have to be serious.
  • Sometimes, I just keep asking and I get what I want, but sometimes I need to not keep asking or my dad will say no.
  • I don’t want to be rude to my friends, but I care less about being rude to my brother.
  • Sometimes I promise my brother I’ll give him 100 dollars if he lets me use his toy, but I never give him any money.
  • I know that yelling doesn’t help me get what I want.

Achashverosh seems like a pretty easy guy to win over. He’s ready to listen to anyone – Mordechai, Esther, Haman – so long as they sweet talk him enough. We noticed that Achashverosh makes the vast majority of his decisions based on the opinions of his advisors without ever seeming to have an opinion for himself.

Is Achashverosh a good example of how to make good decisions? Why or why not?

  • Yes – it’s good to take advice from other people!
  • No – you should be able to make decisions by yourself.
  • No – if you always let other people tell you what to do, then you’ll never be able to make a decision for yourself.

Do you always take all of the advice someone gives you? How do you choose which advice to listen to?

  • Take it from someone you trust.
  • Even if it’s from someone you trust make sure it sounds reasonable.
  • Don’t listen when somebody says to kill someone.
  • Don’t be upset if you give somebody advice they don’t want to take.
  • Think over what it is and what consequences it might lead to.
  • Before you ask someone for advice, if you’ve already asked them for advice and think of those past answers to see if it adds up to what you need.
  • I take advice from whoever I know better.
  • If two people are giving me advice I would just listen to both of them.
  • I use context and common sense. For example, let’s say I’m trying to decide whether to play outside or stay in and watch a movie on a rainy day. Someone might tell me to go out and jump in puddles, but I also know that I’m wearing my new pants which I don’t want to get wet and that I’d really rather stay home. So I’d know not to take their advice.
  • I listen and inspect the advice to determine if it’s good or bad.
  • I think about whether or not the advice is against the rules.
  • I know if a choice is kind or not.

We can’t navigate our way through challenges alone. How do you make sure you’re taken care of and your needs are met? Who do you go to for help and advice when you can’t fix the thing alone? Stay tuned for next week as we wrap up the last two chapters of Megillat Esther on our journey exploring resilience!

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