Does Avoidance = Resilience?

Does Avoidance = Resilience?

Last week, we met a new character in Jewish text, and a new perspective on resilience. Sefer Yonah (the Book of Jonah) opens with God instructing Yonah to go to the big city of Ninveh and tell the people there to shape up their act, or else. But instead, Yonah tries to run away. He ends up on a boat heading for a totally different place. God sends a storm to disrupt the journey, and eventually Yonah tells the sailors that the only way to make the storm stop is by throwing him overboard. Oof.

As we unpacked this story, we first took some time to empathize with Yonah. Why do you think Yonah chose to run away? How do you think he was feeling and why?

  • Feeling a little bit scared because maybe the people in the city were going to put him in a sand cage and trap him forever. So that’s why he wanted to escape and go to a different place.
  • Feeling neutral – combination of angry at God but happy he got to move.
  • Just felt like “I don’t want to do that” when he heard God’s instructions. Maybe felt a little worried that the people would think he was trying to attack them and then that they would do something bad to him (since they make a lot of mistakes).
  • He ran away because God gave him hard work to do.
  • I think he was afraid.

What do you think about Yonah’s choice? Was it a good choice or a bad choice to run away? Was it helpful or unhelpful?

  • It was a good choice because he was scared and trying to take care of himself.
  • But it was unhelpful for God. God needed his help.
  • It was a bad choice because it hurt the sailors.

Then we shifted focus from his situation to our own. Are there ever problems or tasks that it makes sense to avoid? Or situations where it makes sense to avoid certain tasks or problems? How can we tell?

  • When the problem doesn’t affect you and doesn’t matter in your life.
  • If someone dares you to go and kiss someone you hate.
  • If trying to do something puts you at risk or makes you really uncomfortable.
  • If someone asks you to do something you don’t want to do.
  • If I ignore my brother when he yells at me, the situation will get better because he just wants attention.
  • If my friends are fighting and I avoid it, they’ll figure out they’re fighting for a silly reason.
  • If someone wrongly accuses you of something you shouldn’t go through with the punishment.
  • You should avoid tasks you don’t deserve.
  • If the situation is dangerous. Like when we’re walking to Makom, but the light is turning red, we shouldn’t keep crossing the street.

What might happen if you ignore a problem you should pay attention to?

  • Once I wouldn’t fold my laundry and my parents said they would sell my clothes to a thrift store.
  • My mom says “well if you’re not gonna fold your laundry then it’s never gonna get done” and then I end up with a messy room.
  • I felt really bad for not folding my laundry, it’s so easy and I could’ve been done in 10 seconds.
  • I get bad grades.
  • If I avoid running, I won’t get better at Girls on the Run.
  • If I avoid doing the dishes, my kitchen will be smelly.
  • Sometimes you don’t want to do chores, but you have to, so you do it anyway.

After analyzing the consequences both in Yonah’s specific situation, and in other situations where we could imagine trying to manage our problems by avoiding them, we came up with this advice to offer Yonah:

  • If I already had context for the story, I would tell him to fix up his act.
  • If I was from the future, it would be easier to tell him what to do.
  • I would ask him what he thinks he should do, not what he wants to do.
  • Just do it, and then it will be over with and you won’t worry about it anymore.
  • Procrastination has to do with managing your emotions, not managing your time.
  • Manage your expectations by thinking “Oh, it won’t take too long” and remember that it actually won’t.
  • Even if there’s a job you don’t like, you can’t make other people do your work because it’s your work. It’s hard being an adult. Like Yonah shouldn’t have to “unload the dishwasher” because God should just do it if God wants it done.

We’re still not sure whether or not we see Yonah as a resilient character. At this point in the story, he still seems to be having a really hard time. He sinks to proverbial and literal lows first when he attempts to escape from God’s instructions at the bottom of a boat, and then by opting to be thrown overboard into the depths of the sea. According to our learners, the resilient approach here would be to face his task and just do it. Stay tuned to see if Yonah is able to take our advice and bounce back from this difficult situation.

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