Throw Him in a Pit: Sibling Expectations

What do you think are reasonable expectations for an average sibling relationship? At first glance, the relationships Yosef has with his brothers don’t seem like very good examples for us. But looking more closely, we can learn some interesting things.

At this point in our story (Genesis 37: 18-28), Yosef has found his brothers grazing their flocks of sheep. As they see him approaching, they plot to kill him. Reuven, the oldest brother, convinces them to instead throw Yosef into a pit. The text tells us he secretly intends to save Yosef and return him to their father. In the meantime, Yehudah, the fourth oldest brother, thinks better of leaving Yosef to die and suggests that they instead sell him to a passing caravan of Ishmaelite traders. Here are some quotes from your thoughtful kiddos on what’s going on in those relationships:

What was different about Reuven’s relationship with Yosef that he wanted to save him?

  • Reuven knows Yosef is the favorite and that Yaakov would be heartbroken if he were to die.
  • Reuven is older and more mature than the other brothers are.
  • Maybe Reuven is Yaakov’s second favorite son so he feels closer to Yosef.
  • Reuven is nicer because he’s the oldest.

If Reuven wanted to keep Yosef safe, why did he suggest to throw him in a pit? Why not just tell the other brothers, “No, we’re not going to kill or hurt Yosef at all”?

  • He still wanted to stay close with the other brothers.
  • He was trying to be a role model and to show that he understood the brothers.
  • He was worried that standing up to the brothers to save Yosef would mean risking his own life.
  • Reuven wanted to be a hero!
  • Reuven was worried that if he didn’t agree to do something to get rid of Yosef, the other brothers would all hate him too.

When Yehudah and the other brothers choose to sell Yosef, they seem to be looking for a way to be rid of him that makes them feel less guilty than killing him outright would. In contrast, Reuven seems to be doing some real work juggling and managing everyone’s feelings—his own, Yosef’s, Yaakov’s, and his other brothers’. From him we can learn some interesting things about what to expect from siblings.

What do I understand the expectations between siblings to be?

  • Best friends
  • Be nice to each other
  • Only say nice things (especially in front of other people)
  • Take care of each other
  • Be a little competitive
  • Annoy each other sometimes

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