Walk & Talk: What’s harder—forgiving ourselves or forgiving someone else?

Last week, I watched a pair of siblings playing together after their homework was done. The older sibling was intentionally annoying the younger sibling, and the younger sibling responded by pushing the older one. Then we stopped to talk about it. Their reflections were interesting. Their followup was impressive. 

The younger sibling was able to admit that he should have spoken up instead of being physical, and he apologized. The older sibling admitted that he knew he was aggravating his younger sibling, and he apologized. Then, I watched as their interactions really changed as after their conversation. I could tell they were carrying it with them—and I wondered: Were they also being really hard on themselves about it? 

The older was overly cautious to ask the older one before every time he began a new aspect of the project they were working on. The younger was hyper aware of his body as he squirmed not to hurt his brother (even though that hadn’t been their initial issue). They had both forgiven each other, but neither had quite let go of what they had done wrong in the moment. 

This week, we are studying Het Haegel—the mistake of the Golden Calf. Bnai Yisrael (the Jewish people) get nervous waiting for Moshe to return from Mt. Sinai, and build an idol of a golden cow, declare it a god, and pray to it.  

Following that experience, Bnai Yisrael’s relationship with God and with Moshe is never quite the same again. They suffer a plague and a few thousand people die as a consequence of this grave mistake. This experience forever shapes how Bnai Yisrael sees themselves, and they end up in a cycle, generation after generation, of forgetting about their brit (two-way promise) with God, falling off the wagon, asking for forgiveness, and trying again. 

Like Bnai Yisrael, we all make mistakes throughout our lives. We are spending some time this week looking at how we can be compassionate to ourselves when that happens and get back to enjoying our lives and making good choices.  

Here are a few questions you might want to ask your children about that: